Sometimes I feel all alone in a crowd. I feel like people love me, only to leave me. It's probably some psycho/emotional issues from my childhood. Heck...forget probably, it is. It has been exactly one month since my last post (if you can call the last one a post). Where have I been? Seemingly-barricaded in my office or hiding in my room..at least that's when I'm not spending time with this church plant or traveling.
I'm drained-numb almost. I play with my alarm clock about three times before I get up in the mornings...only to sit down at my computer and return emails. Email (all six accounts) has a way of controlling me...it's been rumored that a program exists that can combine all accounts into one to simplify life..Outlook or Inlook..I get them mixed up. After stumbling blindly into the shower to de-thaw and return to the world..I go through the same exact routine day in and day out. Mess around with my hair (shocking I know) deodorant, teeth, contacts...and then probably the most challenging part of my day: locating and working with clothes. Then it's getting in the car and making the same drive to work again and again. When did life become so routine? Sure, it's different projects and different issues...but I am fully immersed in corporate BS these days. I don't like the direction of where this line of thought is heading...depressing.
I think it's best if I fore-go other tirades, even though it has been a long time since my last post, and divert directly into my obligatory random thought section: I think one of the best parts of marriage will be not having to do laundry (Yes..sexist). I miss Palm Beach and the lifestyle that surrounds it. If only some of these major commercial deals I have on the table at work would come through..$$. I need to lose about 20 pounds, yet am lazyy. I miss the kids from previous ministries more now than ever before. The band 10th Avenue North is great. There are many stupid people out there. The Golden Rule is commonly ignored. I think it's funny that I can say I know someone who had a breast to pop (implants). As soon as I can afford it, I will be working towards my Pilot's License. There is something about working with students that gives me life. Funny how as you look back on the real friends you have in life, they're all relatively similar. I think I often automatically assume that other people know what they are talking about. I want to purchase and run a lot of different businesses. One of my favorite outings in life will always be going to Kobe's with the Kazecks. There is one type of man that I yearn to emulate: fears and serves the Lord, successful in business, free and willing to conquer unusual things, and a wonderful husband and father (I know several men like this). My little sister is not a little kid anymore. I feel like I have neglected my small group of high school guys lately. It's always easier to tell the truth. It irritates me when Publix employees card for alcohol. There is a lot of refrigerated air, and nothing else, in my fridge. Like owning a boat, enjoying someone else's dog is the way to go. There is little better in this world than smoking a cigar with a friend at midnight in the middle of the lake in a boat under the stars. The kids that I first led when I moved to Orlando and they were in 6th grade are in high school now. The kids that I used to teach Sunday School for in Palm Beach have graduated. I have purposefully avoided Rollins and viewing my grades from this past semester. I am done with this post..just no longer in the mood.
Ok, if you expect anyone to read this, you have to give a summarized version:o)
Posted by: MercyNow | June 18, 2006 at 07:54 PM